Coming Out

The act of ‘coming out’ is the act of sharing your LGBTQ+ identity with others, and this term is used to refer to many different settings or conversations. For example, for one individual ‘coming out’ could mean telling their family, for others this could mean going public on social media and telling the world about their identity. There’s no right or wrong to how and when you choose to come out, it all depends on what you feel is right and comfortable for you. Also, this is not often a one-time event. Coming out happens again and again when you choose to let more people in and tell them about your LGBTQ+ identity. 

However you choose to do it, coming out can feel like an important, liberating and wonderful moment in your life. It can also be quite stressful, and for some can be unsafe. 

Some of the following considerations can be made to make you feel more prepared when coming out: 

  • Who should I come out to? – It is entirely up to you who you wish to open up to about your LGBTQ+ identity, and this is something you may wish to carefully consider. For example, you may choose to first come out to a friend or family member who you trust to be supportive, and who you can lean on for support when coming out to others in your life.  

  • How am I going to come out? – Will you be waiting until you are face-to-face with someone, or will you be calling them on the phone, sending a text, sending an email, or writing it down in a letter? 

  • How will they react? – It’s may be useful to consider the reactions you may receive when coming out to different people, preparing for these or adapting your approach to better facilitate your conversation. Something that might assist you in this is listening to the way that those around you speak about LGBTQ+ people around you or in the media. 

  • Prepare for questions but know that you do not need all the answers, and that you don’t owe anyone more information than you are comfortable or willing to share. 

Taking Care of Yourself 

Exploring your identity and coming out to others can be a very intense time in your life, and it is very important to make sure that you are taking care of your self during such an intense experience. This is especially important when you may have conflicting beliefs, fears and expectations about coming out which may make you feel more nervous, anxious, or hesitant to share this part of yourself.  

Self-care can be a massive tool for boosting your wellbeing and self-esteem and can be as simple as talking to others or engaging in your favourite hobby.  

See the links below for some information and ideas on self-care: 

Being Outed 

‘Being outed’ happens when someone shares another person’s sexual orientation or gender identity without permission. This is very different to coming out, as coming out is a personal choice and being outed is a violation of privacy which can lead to serious consequences. 

If someone has chosen not to share their identity with everybody, this is often for a reason, and their identity is not yours to share. 

If you’ve been outed, there are many steps you can take to seek support and to take back control, such as: 

  • Seek immediate support – reach out to your trusted friends/family, an LGBTQ+ support group, or to  

  • Access support for your mental health – BPP’s welfare and support services can be contacted via the Student Wellbeing and Support Form and can provide you with support and guidance. 

  • Document harmful behaviour in the case of harassment, abuse or discrimination, and report these harmful behaviours wherever necessary. The LGBT Foundation have a useful guide to reporting LGBTQ-phobic hate crime which you can access here - https://lgbt.foundation/help/hate-crime-reporting/  

Accessing Support 

If you wish to obtain safe, accessible and specialist support when coming out, please see some of the links, services and resources signposted below: